It may be that Jack is my last child, but I have been telling myself, "Noelle, don't forget these moments. Don't forget his sweet teeth poking though his pink gums, dark blond hair that feels as soft as feathers, the feeling of his chubby cheek on mine, how his little fingers grasp mine, his baby smell, and how beautiful he looks when he smiles. Don't forget. Don't forget..."
With Elayna, we couldn't wait until she reached her next milestone. Every moment was thrilling, and we were excited to see what she would do next. With Jack, I want him to stay a little baby forever. I know that is not possible.
With him I start to think about my own mortality. I think that someday he will be a Dad and then a Grandpa. When I see old men in the hospital, I think, "At one time his mother held him in her arms, fed him, loved him..." Jack has made me very introspective and cognizant of the fragility of time. He reminds me of God's pure love. I can't imagine God forsaking his only Son for my sins. I love my son so much, I can't even imagine God's level of love for us. Wow!
I also think of Mary, Jesus' mother, who watched her sweet, sweet Son on the cross. What an incredulous love!
God is showing me so much through my tiny (actually big! lol!) son!
I thank Him for that!
1 comment:
Noelle,
I just got done reading this and it made me cry. I remember feeling the same way when Nick was a baby knowing that he was my last. I treasured the times when he woke up in the middle of the night. It was our quiet time together. I would hold him and think... someday he will be a grown man with children of his own to hold. You're making happy memories... Cherish them with all of your heart. Love, Mom T.
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