How awesome are the Beatles? Seriously, genius! I am listening my ipod (whoo whoo, actually got it up and running while on bedrest last week) and the Beatles #1 hits. The Beatles are unlike any other band to date (in my opinion), and I saw Paul McCartney when I was 10 (with my Paul-obsessed, screaming "Paul!!" mother--remember that!?). That was one of the best concerts I have ever attended.
Anyway, in true Paul/John fashion they communicate the need to "let it be." Easier said than done, but so true.
I remember being 10 and thinking nothing would ever change. I felt so safe, protected, and most importantly loved. I still feel those things, but with an adult pespective. I never thought at 10 that my grandmother would be anything other than my grandmother: co-president of the American Legion, sitting on her porch swing, wearing size 5 high heels, leaving gifts on my bed, tending to her vegetable garden, making homemade dinners, applying makeup, putting on her nailpolish, and teaching me to sew. I also never thought my grandfather would die. But, life gets messy.
Now I see the ugliness of a grandmother's dementia, hopelessness of slow growing cancer, and physical decline on a once vibrant "spit fire." Is this really how Grandma's life is going to end: Seriously? Really? My Grandfather went quickly, and his ashes are in the great Mississippi. I miss him more than anyone who has ever died. I can't believe he is gone...
Everything feels miserable sometimes: Grandma wants to go home, yet can't walk very far. She wants to go home, but doesn't know year. She wants to go home, but forgets to turn off the water. How do you help a woman who was always fiercy independant, is miserable, and wants to go home, but can't?! How do you handle that with diginity?
You pray.
Only God can answer that question.
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2 comments:
I was nearly in tears reading this at work. I am SO sorry you are all having to go through all this. My step grandmother had Alzheimer’s and it was one of the most painful things to watch. Hang in there and know that God has a plan. Love always!
Hey girl, all i can tell you is have faith and be there for her and give her all the love you can. I took care of my grandmother all the time. It was very hard on me to see her body just waste away. I was truely very close to her and the day she died I was by her side. Never really had closer yet of letting her go. Cant really talk to anyone about it or I still just break into tears. I miss her more than words can describe and she has been gone for years but her loving memory stays close to my heart.. :)
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